Tainted Love
by sofia313
Summary: She was the love of his life and he was once hers. When he chose the dark side and did unthinkable things, her love turned into hate. Unfortunately he had no intention of simply letting her go.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning, some spoilers.**

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Kylo Ren wasn't in a good mood. Everyone who knew him at all tried their best to avoid him when he was in a bad mood. They all knew how dangerous his anger was. His old teacher, Luke Skywalker, had tried to teach him to control his anger and replace it with calmness. Kylo had never been able to do that, not completely. He liked the power his anger gave him and his new teacher, the Supreme Leader Snoke, had always encouraged him to use it. Right now he would have wanted nothing more than to use it to make General Hux choke on his own blood.

Kylo had always hated the arrogant fool who thought that he could disrespect him. Unfortunately Kylo knew that he had to tolerate the General, for now. It didn't matter; he would sooner or later find a way to get rid of the pathetic idiot. Just the thought made him smile under his helmet. But first things first, they needed to find the missing droid and the damn traitor who had helped the droid to escape from Jakku. The First Order had eyes and ears everywhere; there was no doubt that they would find the droid. What Kylo really needed right now was a distraction. He crossed his arms and carelessly looked at the dark space outside. The ship wasn't moving, they were waiting for Snoke's orders.

"Sir?" a stormtrooper said from behind his back. "The prisoner is waiting for you in your quarters."

"Good," Kylo replied simply. "I don't want to be disturbed unless there is some news about the droid."

"Yes, sir."

Kylo knew perfectly well what the stormtroopers and General Hux thought of her, his mysterious prisoner. They thought that she was just a toy Snoke had given to Kylo. Yes, she had in fact been a gift from Snoke, a reward for Kylo's loyalty. Kylo still didn't know how Snoke had managed to find her, but he wasn't complaining. He marched straight to his quarters and saw her sitting at the table; her hands had been chained to the arms of the chair. She was wearing a light blue dress and her long dark hair was down.

She was just as beautiful as always, he enjoyed admiring her, even though she didn't smile at him anymore. All he got from her was ice-cold hatred. At first she had shouted at him and tried to attack him. After she had understood that she couldn't physically hurt him, she had used the only weapon she had, words. She had done everything she could to provoke him, to make him hurt her. He never had and he knew she was resentful because of that. She needed to hate him and justify her hatred.

"Hello, Amara," he greeted her.

She clenched her fists and pressed her lips tightly together, she wasn't looking at him. The table had been set; he locked the door before unchaining her with the wave of his hand. She rubbed her wrists and looked away when he sat down opposite her.

"I was told that you haven't eaten," he stated.

She didn't say anything; apparently she was trying a new tactic. He frowned and removed his helmet. That made her tense, although she still wasn't looking at him.

"Amara? Look at me."

She crossed her arms and made it clear that she had no intention to obey. He suppressed a sigh; she certainly knew how to be stubborn. Her will had always been strong and he didn't want to break it. He didn't want to break her. He just wanted her to accept the truth. She belonged to him and deep down she still loved him. Yes, some of the people he had killed had been her friends, but she loved him and hated herself for it. He stood up and walked over to her.

"Amara…" he started and touched her cheek.

"Don't touch me," she hissed.

Well, at least she was speaking.

"I want you to eat."

Slowly she turned her blue eyes towards him.

"Why?" she asked coolly. "Why do you want to keep on tormenting me? Just kill me and get it over with."

His lips curved into a smile when he leaned towards her.

"Oh, Amara… Why would I do that?"

"Because you're a monster," she snapped.

"Hmm, and yet you love me…"

"No!" she shouted and got to her feet. "I don't! I loved Ben Solo and you're not him!"

His smile turned into a predatory smirk when she backed away.

"You're right, I'm not him," Kylo hummed. "I'm much more. He was weak, I'm not." He paused and took a step towards her. "You can't lie to me, Amara, you never could. You belong to me."

She continued backing away; her eyes were desperately looking for something. Some kind of weapon probably.

"If you touch me I swear…" she started, but the rest of her sentence died when her back hit the wall. Her breathing quickened when he stepped in front of her. Gently his fingers caressed her neck, making her shiver.

"You love me," he hummed softly.

"No, I don't," she murmured, her hands were shaking. "I hate you."

She shivered again when his lips touched the special spot under her ear. The taste of her was even better than he had remembered.

"Love, hate… Just two sides of the same coin."

She let out a weak moan when he sucked her special spot, he felt more than triumphant. Her body wanted this, wanted him. She belonged to him, she always had. He had known that the moment he had met her many years ago. It had made no difference to him that she was his uncle's foster daughter. Luke would have never accepted their relationship, so they had kept it as a secret. Now Kylo didn't need anyone's approval anymore. That was the beauty of the dark side; he could simply take whatever he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Amara Tam had never considered herself any kind of hero. Most of the time, she didn't even consider herself a decent person. What she was, what she had always been, was a survivor. Adaptation… That had been the first thing she had learned when she had been a child. To stay quiet, invisible, not to draw any attention to herself, those had been crucial skills for her to learn. Fighting for her survival by any means necessary. She didn't have many clear memories about her early life, but it had most definitely affected her a lot. She wasn't a trusting or outgoing person and she most likely never would be.

Gaining her trust required a lot of work, more than most people were willing to do. Luke Skywalker had been the first person who had ever gained her trust. He had been kind and patient with her, although she had been a filthy and pathetic runt who had tried to steal from him. Still he had seen something in her, something worth his time. He had offered her something she had never had, a home. For that he has had her unconditional loyalty and eventually affection, she had considered him her father.

The long walks in the forest, swimming in the lake, picking up flowers… Those were happy memories. She had wanted to do everything she could to help him in the school he had built in order to train a new generation of Jedi's. There had been a lot of students and some of them Amara had even called her friends. Everything had been fine until Luke's nephew had arrived. The way he had stared at her when they had been introduced… It had made her very uncomfortable.

She had caught him staring at her many times after that. He had never been in any way embarrassed by getting caught; he had simply smiled at her. She had always looked away and tried her best to understand her strange feelings. Eventually she had tried to avoid him, but when she had started to have very embarrassing dreams about him, she had been sure that he was using some Jedi trick on her. Naturally she had been angry and confronted him about it, demanding him to stop. To her embarrassment, he had been completely stunned, he have had no idea what she was talking about. Her face had been bright red and she had tried run away, but he hadn't let her go. Instead he had put his arms around her and kissed her.

She could still remember every second of that kiss. Their first kiss. Her life hadn't been the same after that. When she thought about all of it now, she hoped that they would have never shared that kiss. After that there had been no turning back, they had crossed the line they shouldn't have crossed. He had made it clear that he wanted her and he wasn't going to take no for an answer. That had probably been the first thing Amara had learned about Ben Solo, he was extremely persistent when he wanted something. She had wanted him too, she couldn't deny that.

The stolen moments they had spent together had been the happiest ones in her life, no matter how guilty she had felt for lying to Luke. She had lost her heart to Ben completely. Sadly her love had also made her blind for all the warning signs and that was something she would never be able to forgive herself. Ben had talked to her about his frustration, doubts and disagreements with Luke, he hadn't been sure if he even wanted to be a Jedi. He had felt that he was meant for something more. And what had she told him, to find a path that would make him happy. What a great advice had that been.

She had thought that maybe he wanted to travel, to experience new things before finishing his training. There hadn't been a doubt in her mind that he would eventually finish it, he was the most talented student Luke had. Of course he was, he was Luke's nephew. She should have seen how deep his doubts really were. The dark side… The massacre in the school… It had destroyed Luke. It had destroyed Amara too; she had lost everything she had held dear. And had she taken responsibility for her actions, no, instead of facing Luke and Ben's devastated parents, she had run and hide like a miserable coward she was. There certainly wasn't anything heroic about her.

When she had been captured and brought to _him_ , the travesty of the man she had loved, she had been sure that she would finally be punished, tortured or something worse. She hadn't been. He, or anyone else, hadn't been violent toward her or kept her without food and water. Sure he had grabbed her wrists and kept her in place when she had attacked him, but he hadn't retaliated in any way when she had hit and kicked him. Why? She couldn't understand.

She had thought that she was too numb to feel anything, but she had certainly felt something when she had seen his face. Pain, anger, bitterness, joy… Yes, for a brief moment she had actually been happy for seeing him and felt the need to bury her face in his chest, just like she had used to do. Of course she had immediately hated herself for such thoughts, this man wasn't Ben Solo. He was Kylo Ren and she hated him. She had certainly made it clear to him with vicious and venomous words. To her annoyance, he hadn't reacted to her words. She wanted him to hurt her; she needed to prove to herself that he wasn't the man she had loved. She hated him…

"Love, hate…. Just two sides of the same coin."

Her mind could barely register his words; he was standing too close to her. An involuntary moan escaped her lips when his mouth found the sensitive spot under her ear. No, no, no… She felt nothing but disgusted with herself and a flush of shame was rising in her cheeks. He knew exactly where and how she liked to be touched and she hated him even more for that. She didn't want this, she didn't want him. He was a monster. She closed her eyes and pressed her hands against his chest. Why couldn't she push him away? His mouth kept sucking her neck and his hands were caressing her sides.

"Amara…" he murmured. "I've missed you…"

Tears were burning behind her eyes, all she wanted was to kiss him and… No.

"No!"she shouted and pushed him as hard as she could. His eyes looked even darker than normally, he was staring at her intently. She wrapped her arms around her, trying to hold on the shreds of her dignity.

"Stay away from me," she managed to say.

For a moment she was sure that she was going to get her wish, he would show her the monster he really was. He didn't. Instead he smiled at her, just like Ben had.

"I always loved your spirit," he hummed. "Shall we eat then?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Kylo observed Amara across the table; she had barely touched her food and she hadn't said a word after she had pushed him away. Surprisingly she had sat at the table without a fight. He could easily see how much her inner conflict was distressing her. Loving someone she hated… It was quite an interesting paradox. There was no doubt in his mind that she would lose her little struggle soon enough and give into him. Her body wanted it for sure. He had missed the taste of her. It wasn't anything more than physical attraction, for some reason she had always affected him like that. When they had met all those years ago, he had immediately known that he wanted her. She had been distant, reserved; it had taken him a long time to get behind her wall. All the effort had most definitely been worth it, he had got to see the part of her most people never could.

He had been very young back then and she had been the first girl who had ever made him feel like that. Unfortunately he had never been the most social type and at some point he had actually been frustrated enough to ask some advice from his father. Of course he hadn't told Han who was the girl he was hoping to charm and he had asked his father not to tell anyone. Relationships weren't allowed during his training. His father had understood and gave him some tips. The problem had been that Kylo had never been like his father, overly confident and articulate. On the contrary, he had been nothing but pathetic. Yet he had kept trying. One of the students in the school who had noticed his pathetic efforts had even claimed that Kylo had been obsessed with Amara. That had been ridiculous.

Before Snoke had given her to him, he had asked what Kylo felt towards her and of course he had responded that she meant nothing to him. Kylo suspected that she was another way for Snoke to test him, but that didn't worry him. She was just a little amusement, he had earned that. Those had been Snoke's words; Kylo knew that he had several mistresses. Amara would be Kylo's mistress, nothing more. Maybe she had used to mean something to him, but she didn't anymore. Why hadn't he already taken what he wanted then? Because he enjoyed a little challenge. Yes, that was the only reason.

"Not hungry?" he stated after a long silence.

"No," she replied without looking at him. Her voice held no emotion and she looked tired, apparently too tired to shout at him or give him the whole silent treatment.

"You should try to eat some more, you look pale."

Her skin had always been quite pale, but not as pale as it was now. She was quiet for a moment and stared at her plate before replying.

"I find that amusing coming from you," she snorted. "Have you seen your own face lately? When was the last time sunlight touched your skin?"

"We are not talking about me now," he responded.

"Why not? Do you miss your mask already?" She paused and looked at him. "Does it help you to act like a monster?"

He smiled.

"I don't know. Have I acted like a monster toward you?"

She pressed her lips together and crossed her arms.

"You're toying with me. Don't think that I wouldn't know that."

"I don't think I'm the one who is toying," he replied. "You love me, we both know that."

"No, I don't," she hissed icily. "The man I loved is gone, just like everything else that was good in my life. I don't understand why you didn't just kill me too."

The truth was that Kylo had made sure she hadn't been at the school when he and a group of Snoke's elite soldiers had done what had needed to be done. He had been away for a while before that and met Snoke. It had been like fate, he had found what he had been looking for. A real teacher, someone who understood him. All Luke had wanted was to restrain him, suppress his powers.

"Where did you go?" he asked, choosing to ignore her words. "I looked for you."

She tensed and glared at him.

"Why? You think I would have been happy to see you?"

He smiled.

"Well, I did promise to come back to you when I left…"

"Stop it," she snapped. "Stop talking like you would be him. You're not."

"No, I'm not and I'm glad I'm not. He was pathetic."

She was on her feet a second later, her chair sliding behind her.

"You're the one who's pathetic!" she shouted. "You're nothing but a monster!"

She was so angry that she was shaking. He was nothing but pleased by her little outburst; it showed how strong her feelings for him still were. It was only a matter of time before she would stop fighting. Calmly he observed her, expecting her to attack him. He had to admit that he had enjoyed her fiery attacks; no woman had ever turned him on like she had. Unfortunately she forced herself to calm down and sat down.

"Dessert?" he asked.

She didn't say anything or look at him. Right, the silent treatment again. She looked even more tired than before; he had noticed the dark circles under her eyes. Perhaps he wasn't the same person he had been, but it seemed that neither was she.

"Do you want to retire?" he asked.

She nodded; she still wasn't looking at him.

"My bed is very comfortable."

She looked up and glared at him.

"You will have to kill me first."

He doubted that, he really did. Oh well, he had known that this would take some time.

"I want to go back to my cell," she added tensely.

He would hardly call her accommodation a cell, but he didn't comment on that.

"Alright, as you wish."

She stood up when he called for the guards to take her back to her quarters. Before their arrival, he stepped in front of her and softly touched her hair.

"Sweet dreams, Amara."

She tensed when he kissed her forehead; a faint flush was rising in her pale cheeks. He was more than satisfied to see that his touch still affected her like that. She turned her back on him and didn't say anything when a stormtrooper escorted her out the door. After she had left, Kylo made his way towards a locked door that led to a small room. No one else was allowed to enter that room. He unlocked the door and stepped inside. The room was dark; there was nothing in there except a chair and a badly damaged helmet. His grandfather's helmet.

Just like so many times before, he sat down in front of the helmet and looked at it. Snoke had told him everything about his grandfather, how powerful he had been. Everything that Kylo wanted to be. Snoke had also told him about Darth Vader's greatest weakness. His wife, Padme. She had betrayed him after everything he had done for her. There was a lesson to be learned there and Kylo had no intention to ever repeat his grandfather's mistakes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

General Hux had never understood what the Supreme Leader Snoke saw in Kylo Ren. Without his power, Ren wouldn't have been anything more than a spoiled brat who threw temper tantrums when things didn't go his way. Pathetic… Hux really couldn't stand Ren, but unfortunately he was forced to tolerate the arrogant brat. For now. It was only a matter of time before the Supreme Leader would see how worthless his apprentice really was. Hux had every intention to witness that glorious moment. Just the thought would have made him smile, if he would have ever smiled.

He had worked his whole life to be where he was now; nothing had ever been given to him for free. That was another thing he hated about Ren, he had never had to work nearly as hard as Hux. No, Ren hadn't had to work hardly at all for his current position, not when the Supreme Leader favored him. Not that Hux would ever question the wisdom of the Supreme Leader, of course not, but… Was he resentful deep down, yes, he was. Not that it mattered, there was no doubt that he would eventually see Ren's downfall. Despite of the unfortunate adversities they had experienced lately, the escape of Poe Dameron and losing the droid, the thought put Hux in a good mood. He was heading to his private quarters when he noticed her. Ren's toy. She was walking between two stormtroopers, they were coming towards Hux. All three of them stopped in front of him.

"Sir," the stormtroopers greeted him.

Hux kept his eyes on the girl; she glanced at him carelessly and crossed her arms. He couldn't deny that he was curious. To be perfectly honest, he couldn't really imagine Ren having…an intimate relationship with anyone. But then again, she didn't seem to be a willing participant, just a slave the Supreme Leader had given to Ren. Not that Hux was really surprised by that, he preferred not to even imagine what kind of things Ren was into, there probably weren't many females who would willingly satisfy his no doubt twisted urges.

"Where are you taking her?" Hux asked.

"To her quarters, sir."

"Hmm. I believe I will escort her there, you are dismissed."

The stormtroopers hesitated.

"Sir… Lord Ren said…"

"I gave you an order, soldiers," Hux cut in sharply. "You are dismissed."

"Yes, sir."

Hux waited until the stormtroopers were out of sight before he addressed the girl.

"What is your name, slave?"

The girl's eyes narrowed.

"I'm not anyone's slave," she responded icily.

"Really? What are you then?"

She didn't reply, she simply looked away.

"Answer me," Hux demanded. "If you're not a slave, what are you then?"

"I'm nobody," she murmured.

"Hmm, somehow I doubt that. The Supreme Leader did give you to his apprentice. Are you a prostitute?"

She glared at him before replying.

"No, I'm not."

"I think you are, why else would you have been brought here to entertain Ren."

Her blue eyes observed him intently, she didn't say anything.

"You have some specialties he likes?" Hux continued.

"Why does that interest you?" she asked.

"It doesn't," Hux snorted. "I simply want to know who I have on my ship."

"Ah," she hummed, her lips curved into a smile. "You're Kylo Ren's second-in-command then?"

Hux's eyes darkened; instinctively he clenched his fists in anger.

"I'm certainly not," he snapped. "I'm General Hux, the commander of this ship."

"I see. You seem quite young for that position," she stated.

"I have earned my position," he snapped. "Unlike…"

Wait a minute, what was he doing? Why was he having this conversation with her?

"You will tell me your name," he demanded. "Right now."

"Amara," she replied calmly.

He glared at her for a moment, unsure of how to continue. What exactly had he hoped to achieve? To dig up some dirt on Ren? Maybe. But really, what useful information could this girl possibly have? Unless…

"Tell me, Amara, how long have you known Ren?"

"We met when I was brought here," she replied.

"Is that so? Why did the Supreme Leader send you to him?"

"I don't know."

Hux didn't believe that for a second. The girl was most definitely hiding something.

"You are Ren's prisoner, are you not?" he stated. "You're here against your will?"

"Yes," she replied, she kept her voice free from emotion.

Hux took a quick look around in order to make sure no one was coming. The girl didn't move when he stepped in front of her.

"Now listen to me very carefully," he started. "I can help you."

Of course he didn't actually have any intention to help her, but she didn't know that.

"I can give you your freedom."

She looked at him calmly.

"How very kind of you. Why would you do that?"

"I want to help you. All I'm asking from you in return is one small thing. Tell me why you were sent here."

"I already told you, General, I don't know. Perhaps your master thought that my appearance would please Kylo Ren."

Hux's eyebrows furrowed, the girl was lying.

"Well did it?" he asked. "Please him?"

"You will have to ask him."

Hux was starting to become very annoyed. It seemed that for some incomprehensible reason this girl was loyal to her captor.

"What does he do with you when you're alone with him?"

The girl smiled.

"I think you can guess, General. I'm afraid I'm not comfortable sharing details with you."

Hux stared at her calm face.

"You give yourself to him willingly?"

"Yes."

None of this made much sense to Hux; he couldn't tell for sure if she was lying. Why would she lie about this? There was something very strange about the whole thing. He had no doubt that he could make the girl talk, but unfortunately that wasn't an option at the moment. He didn't really have time to think about his next move when he noticed two stormtroopers approaching them across the hallway.

"You two," he said. "Take Ren's toy to her quarter."

The girl didn't say anything, her face was blank again. Hux really wasn't sure what to think. Who was this girl? And most importantly, could she be used against Ren?


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for the reviews, favs and alerts :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

 _Luke Skywalker observed his young ward who was trying her best to look casual. She had been gardening, but now she was about to sneak into the woods. It was no wonder that she enjoyed gardening and walking in the woods after she had spent her early childhood in the lower levels of Coruscant. When he had met her she had been an unnaturally pale and bony little girl who had tried to steal his lightsaber. Despite of her modest frame, she had fought surprisingly fiercely when he had caught her. To her it had been a survival battle; most people didn't treat thieves very kindly, even if they would have been children._

 _It had taken Luke a long while to convince her that he had no intention to hurt her. Instead he had offered her a meal in a diner. Clearly she hadn't got used to something like that, someone showing her kindness. He had asked about her family, but she hadn't said much. Her father she had never met and her mother… That part her mind had blocked out. She had died a violent death in the hands of one of the crime lords of the underworld after trying to double-cross him. Luke had found that out couple of years later when Amara had finally been able to trust him. There had been something about her that had caught his attention right away. Something familiar._

 _It was difficult to believe that she was 15 already. The garden of the school looked beautiful, she took good care of it. Many students often meditated here, it was a peaceful place. Ben was one of those students, although he didn't come here to meditate. Luke had noticed him leaving a while ago; he had headed to the woods. And now Amara was going to follow him. Luke sighed; he hadn't been able to decide how to handle this. It was almost amusing how they thought that he wouldn't have noticed what was going on. The only reason why Luke hadn't already done something was the positive influence Amara seemed to have on Ben._

 _His nephew had always been…well, more or less a challenge. Ben had always had difficulties to make friends; he was a quiet and often gloomy boy who had a temper. Things had become much more difficult after Ben's powers had emerged when he had been a little boy. Leia and Han hadn't always been able to control him. Of course Luke had tried his best to help and he had trained Ben, but he had also told his sister that Ben needed to come to the school with him. Leia hadn't agreed to that, Ben was her only son after all. How could she just send him away?_

 _Ben had been 14 when Leia had finally given in. Now he was 17, almost a man already. Luke had never thought for a second that Ben was "bad" deep down; he was simply confused. He had a good heart, Luke knew that, but he also knew that some part of Ben felt that he was never good enough; he was a disappointment to his parents and to Luke. Those feelings had always made him defensive, no matter how much Luke had tried to prove them wrong. Reaching Ben had always been more than difficult, but somehow Amara had managed to do that._

 _There was no chance Ben would simply obey if Luke would tell him to end the relationship with Amara. That confrontation would no doubt destroy all the progress Ben had made lately. He had already threatened to leave more than once. Still Amara was too young and Ben needed to concentrate on his training. It was simply too risky for him not to finish it and learn how to control his powers and emotions. Luke had been pondering that perhaps he should talk to Han and Leia about this. Surely the three of them, Ben's family, would somehow solve this together._

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The Starkiller Base. They would arrive there soon; according to Hux Snoke had ordered them to return there. Kylo was marching towards Amara's quarters; he wanted to tell her what was happening. Not that he would personally escort her to the base, obviously not, but he still wanted to see her. The arrogant comments Hux had made really annoyed Kylo. Hux had actually dared to ask have Kylo had a pleasant evening with his lovely "companion". Kylo knew that he needed to be careful; he definitely couldn't give Hux any weapons to use against him.

Amara… No, she didn't mean anything to him. She was just a toy, just like Hux thought. He wasn't weak, not ever again. He would show her that he wasn't weak. She had no power over him, not anymore. All he wanted from her was her body. Determinedly he unlocked the door to her quarters and marched inside. She was still sleeping; she was curled up into a fetal position under the covers. Her breathing was calm, her body relaxed and defenseless. All the tension was gone when her eyes weren't shouting hatred at him.

He stood still and stared at her through his mask, she looked so…fragile. Vulnerable. Exposed. She would have no doubt hated that. It had taken a long time before she had felt comfortable falling asleep when he was present. The first time when he had felt her curled up against him, her head resting on his chest… It didn't mean anything. It really didn't. Slowly he walked over to her and sat down on the edge of the bed. Her body flinched when he touched her cheek with his gloved hand, her skin felt very warm. She was so beautiful. He removed his helmet and his gloves before leaning towards her.

"Amara?" he murmured and ran his thumb softly over her lips. He didn't get any reply, she was breathing calmly. Before he fully understood what he was doing, he cupped her chin and touched her lips with his own. She tasted just like he had remembered. Better. He touched her hair and really took her mouth with his own. She was kissing him back. The realization made him feel more than triumphant; he took a hold of the back of her neck in order to tilt her head slightly back. She wasn't really awake, he knew that, but right now he just didn't care. Gently he rolled her on her back and deepened the kiss, positioning himself on top of her. Her petite body felt warm under him, he made sure that he wasn't crushing her. She let out a soft moan when he sucked her neck; his hands were caressing her beautiful body.

"Oh," she moaned. "Oh, General Hux…"

He froze when he heard her words.

"What?" he growled and raised his head. She was awake now; her blue eyes were glaring at him.

"Oh," she stated coolly. "It's you."

For a moment he was too furious to even speak, he grabbed her shoulders and leaned closer until his face was only inches away from hers.

"What did you just say?" he snarled threateningly.

She didn't look scared, but her breathing had quickened a little.

"You heard me," she replied, keeping the same icy tone. "Now please get off me."

The dark rage was quickly building up within him when he looked at her. Of course he had felt rage before, but not this kind of rage. Jealous rage… No, not jealous.

"Have Hux touched you?" he growled and tightened his grip on her shoulders. She winced, he was hurting her. Despite of his anger, the realization made him to loosen his grip.

"No, he hasn't," she replied. "Now please leave."

"I don't think so. Why did you say his name?"

Her eyes narrowed.

"I don't know, why did you think that you had any right to touch me against my will?"

Of course, he should have known.

"I see. That was your idea of retaliation?"

She didn't say anything and she tried to turn her head away, but he didn't allow that, he took a hold of her chin.

"You were kissing me back, don't try to deny that," he stated.

"I thought you were someone else," she responded coolly.

"Oh please. You just said…"

"I didn't mean Hux."

His anger was most definitely rising again.

"Who then?" he asked, his tone of voice was dangerously calm.

"That's none of your business."

He kept his eyes on her and for a fraction of a second he was sure that he saw nervousness in her eyes. She had every reason to be nervous; he would hunt down and kill anyone who had touched her. For a moment he felt the compelling need to look inside her mind, to find out everything she was hiding from him. He wouldn't have done that; it would cause her pain. So what? He wouldn't cause her pain. Weak… No, he wasn't weak. He simply didn't want to damage what belonged to him. He wasn't weak.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the reviews, favs and alerts. Amara isn't a Jedi; she lived at the school because Luke took her in.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

 _Amara was sitting by her bedroom window, staring up at the night sky. She had loved to watch the stars ever since arriving to Luke's school six years ago. She had been 9 when Luke had found her, now she was 15. There had been no stars in Coruscant, at least not for the people in lower levels. Amara had never even seen the sky before she had met Luke. This place was truly a paradise comparing to Coruscant. There were lakes, forests, meadows and most of all the sky full of stars. She could have spent the whole night here simply enjoying the sight._

 _Unfortunately she was exhausted; the day had been very long. She had worked in the library and in the garden. Sometimes she also worked in the kitchen, pulling her own weight was obvious to her. She wasn't a student here, she didn't possess any Jedi abilities, but this place was still her home. The only home she has ever had. Maybe someday she and Ben would have a home of their own… What? Where had that come from? The thought was nothing but foolish, but surely she was allowed to dream._

 _Thinking about Ben made her smile. They had shared their first kiss five months ago, but she felt like it would have happened a lifetime ago. Being with Ben made her happy the way she had never imagined was possible, but deep down she was concerned, she didn't think that his parents would accept her. Of course she had met them few times, they were Luke's family, but she didn't know them well. They had never treated her unkindly, but she doubted that they would ever see her as good enough for their son. Ben's mother was royalty after all and his father was a war hero. No doubt they wanted someone better for their only son; Amara really didn't have much to offer._

 _A part of her hoped that maybe Luke would support her and Ben, but somehow she doubted that. She knew Luke wanted Ben to concentrate on his studies and of course she agreed. Still… Was it so wrong if they spent few stolen moments in the woods for every now and then? They took long walks together hand in hand, shared embraces and kisses, talked and made foolish plans for their future. That didn't mean Ben would have concentrated on his studies any less, he was nothing but a motivated student…_

 _Her thoughts were cut off when she heard the door to her room opening. Quickly she turned to look at the door, her eyes widened when she saw Ben. He grinned and signaled her to stay quiet by putting his index finger to his lips. She stood up when he silently closed the door and marched over to her._

 _"What are you doing here?" she asked. "If anyone sees you…"_

 _He silenced her with a brief kiss._

 _"No one saw me," he hummed smiling and caressed her cheek._

 _"You shouldn't be here," she muttered, his touch was making her blush. He had never come to her room and she certainly wasn't prepared for his visit in this hour when she was only wearing a light short sleeve nightgown._

 _"I'm sorry, but I had to see you," he replied and cupped her face. "You have no idea how long this day has been, I've been thinking about you the whole day."_

 _"Don't be silly," she huffed, but she was blushing even more. "You saw me this morning."_

 _He shook his head._

 _"That's not nearly enough. I can barely say good morning to you without raising any suspicions." He paused and leaned closer. "I don't want to hide my feelings, Amara; I want everyone to know that you're mine."_

 _"Ben," she sighed. "We have talked about this. Your training…"_

 _"I don't care about that," he cut in tensely. "If Uncle Luke won't accept us, then be it. We can leave together; I promise I'll take care of you…"_

 _"Ben, no. We can't do that."_

 _"Why not? I want to build a life with you, give you everything you have ever wanted. I love you, Amara."_

 _She swallowed, his words made her heart ache. Love… What did she know about that?_

 _"Ben…"_

 _His expression tensed when she didn't manage to say anything else._

 _"I only want to be with you," he continued after a moment of silence. "Do you feel the same way?"_

 _"I do," she muttered. "But you must finish your training."_

 _"What if I don't want to finish it?" he asked, he sounded defiant. She couldn't help but smile, his eyes softened when she gently touched his cheek._

 _"I think you do. Learning how to control your powers is very important and you could help many people when you're a Jedi."_

 _"You're the only one I want to help," he replied._

 _"I don't believe that for a second. You have a good heart, Ben, you're just afraid to let anyone see it."_

 _He seemed amused._

 _"I could say the same to you, darling."_

 _She smiled when he kissed her forehead._

 _"I meant what I said," he continued. "I want to give you everything."_

 _"I have everything I need," she replied and leaned her head on his shoulder. He put his arms around her and kissed the top of her head._

 _"You deserve more," he murmured. "Someday I'll make you my queen."_

 _"You are planning to become a king then?" she asked, thinking that he was joking._

 _"Maybe," he murmured. "I'm meant for more than this."_

 _She pulled away and looked at him._

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _He smiled and shook his head._

 _"Nothing, never mind. I've just had a long day; we trained in the woods the whole day."_

 _"Yes, I know. I think you should go to bed."_

 _He bit his bottom lip._

 _"Can I stay here?"_

 _Her eyes widened._

 _"Ben, no…I…I'm not ready…"_

 _"What, no! No, no, I didn't mean that, I would just like to hold you. Can I do that?"_

 _She hesitated, unsure of what to say. Even though she knew that he would never do anything against her will, she still wasn't ready for this, sleeping in the same bed with him. She couldn't even sleep in the same room with anyone; she was only able to truly relax when she was by herself. Old habits died hard._

 _"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I…"_

 _"It's alright," he assured and touched her cheek. "I understand and I'll wait. As long as I have to."_

* * *

Amara was struggling to stay calm; she was more than determined to keep all her feelings hidden. There was no chance she would show Ben… _Kylo_ how strongly his closeness was affecting her. He was on top of her, his body pressing against hers. She hated it and she hated him for taking advantage of her vulnerable state. She had barely slept at all after she had been brought here, but finally her body had given in, she had been beyond exhausted.

He knew better than well what she had been through, how much she hated being unable to defend herself, and yet he had practically attacked her. She had been half asleep, unable to realize what she was doing and with whom. That was the truth. It was. No, it wasn't. She had dreamt of him. Ben, not Kylo Ren. In her dream she had been happy. They both had been happy. Neither of them certainly was happy now, she could see the darkness in his eyes.

"You will answer my question," he demanded. "The man who has touched you, I want his name."

She pressed her lips together and glared at him.

"What makes you think there has only been one man?"

His eyes darkened even more, she knew that she was playing with fire. Unfortunately she didn't care. On the contrary, his reaction was actually giving her some twisted satisfaction. There had been no other men, but she had no intention to tell him that. It was time for him to learn that she wasn't his property; he wasn't going to get anything from her without forcing her. Maybe he would eventually do that or something worse, but it made no difference to her. Slowly his lips curved into a predatory smile.

"Well, that's alright. More fun for me. I'm going to enjoy squishing the life out of them."

"Why?" she asked coolly and flinched when he touched her cheek.

"You know why. You belong to me."

"How presumptuous of you. Perhaps I would rather belong to that charming General."

That did the trick; she was more than satisfied to see the rage in his eyes. All she wanted was to make him suffer one way or the other. It hadn't been difficult to tell that the General didn't like Kylo Ren and Amara had suspected that the feeling was mutual. Clearly she had been right. Despite of all that, she wouldn't have given Hux or anyone else any harmful information about Be…Kylo Ren. Not because she would have wanted to protect him, of course not. She simply didn't need anyone's help; she could make Kylo Ren's life miserable all by herself.

"Careful, Amara," he stated after pulling himself together, his voice held no emotion.

"Or what?" she asked challengingly. "Go ahead, do your worst."

Unfortunately he wasn't going to do that, once again he kept his temper in check. He smiled and leaned towards her, his lips were almost touching hers.

"I came here to inform you that you will be escorted to new quarters soon," he stated.

"What new quarters?" she asked cautiously when he got off of her and stood up.

"We are arriving at the base," he replied and picked up his helmet. "I suggest you get ready, someone will pick you up soon."

He put his helmet and gloves on before marching out. She closed her eyes and gave herself a moment to calm down. She could still taste his lips and feel his touch… No. She wasn't that weak and pathetic girl anymore. That girl had died years ago. Kylo Ren had killed her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 _"Ben… I…I don't know about this," Amara murmured._

 _"Trust me," Ben replied and wrapped his arm tighter around her waist. She was blindfolded; he could easily feel how tense her body was. "Please. You know I won't let you fall."_

 _"I know, that's not what worries me."_

 _He stopped and gently touched her neck with his lips._

 _"I don't want you to worry about anything. Not tonight."_

 _"But…"_

 _"Amara," he cut in firmly. "I know I'm asking a lot, but I want you to relax and trust me to take care of everything. I want this night to be perfect for my girl."_

 _She swallowed, he could sense her nervousness. He knew how difficult this was for her; she wasn't comfortable of putting herself in someone else's hands, not even his. She hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath._

 _"Alright… I do trust you, Ben."_

 _She was still nervous, but he could tell that she meant what she said. She really trusted him. The thought was humbling, it made him smile and kiss her forehead._

 _"Thank you."_

 _She smiled too._

 _"You're welcome."_

 _"May I carry you?" he asked. "I think that would be faster."_

 _"Is that so? Are you saying that I'm slowing you down?"_

 _"No, no," he replied smiling. "I just want us to have time before we have to go back. And…maybe I like to carry you."_

 _She was blushing when he caressed her cheek and he couldn't deny that he loved that. He loved being able to cause her to blush, see her soft pale cheeks turning a very attractive shade of red. To him that proved that she belonged to him and only to him. After having her consent, he lifted her up into his arms. He really did like to carry her, although he didn't have a chance to do that very often._

 _"Are you sure I'm not too heavy?" she murmured and wrapped her arms around his neck._

 _"I think I can manage," he replied smiling and inhaled the scent of her hair. She felt so warm and soft, he never wanted to let her go. She was actually his. His girl. Sometimes he could hardly believe it, that he had really won the heart of a girl like her. He wanted to make her happy, to give her everything. She deserved only the best._

 _Neither of them spoke when he carried her towards the lake, her body was slowly relaxing in his arms. Everything was just like he had left it. There were lanterns hanging in the trees and a blanket on the ground. He had stolen some fruits and pastries from the kitchen and asked his father to bring him a bottle of very rare sparkling wine from Naboo when he had dropped by couple of months ago._

 _Of course Han had agreed, Ben had just turned 18. Not that his father had remembered his birthday or asked any questions about the wine. He had however joked about Ben's love life, asking if he ever got anywhere with the girl he had been interested in couple of years ago. No doubt Han thought that Ben could never have any girl, he was nothing like his father. Not the kind of son a father could be proud of. Not that it mattered, Ben was here with the girl of his dreams, what more could he need._

 _"Alright," he said and placed Amara carefully on the ground. "Here we are."_

 _She blinked her eyes when he took the blindfold off. She looked stunned when she saw the lanterns and the plates and glasses on the blanket._

 _"Ben…"_

 _"Happy 16th birthday," he said smiling and kissed her cheek._

 _"It's not my birthday yet," she replied._

 _"I know, but this was the only night I managed to sneak out, so I thought…"_

 _She looked at him and smiled warmly before touching his cheek._

 _"Thank you. I've never celebrated a birthday."_

 _"Well, we have a lot of catching up to do then."_

 _He took her hand and led her to the blanket._

 _"You did all this?" she asked._

 _"Yes and I would appreciate if you wouldn't sound so incredulous."_

 _"I'm sorry," she giggled. "This is…amazing."_

 _She took his hand and leaned her head on his shoulder when they both sat down._

 _"You have to try this," he said and poured her a glass of sparkling wine. "It's from Naboo, my grandmother's home planet."_

 _Amara raised her head and looked at the light gold liquid in the glass._

 _"It's delicious," she said after taking a sip. "I've heard that Naboo is a beautiful planet."_

 _He nodded._

 _"It is. My mother took me there when I was a child. We met some of my grandmother's relatives."_

 _"That's nice," Amara said. "To have a family. Have you met them after that?"_

 _He tensed and shook his head._

 _"No. I don't think that they liked me much."_

 _"Why would you think that?"_

 _"Because of my grandfather," he muttered gloomily. "They didn't particularly like him."_

 _Of course Amara knew who Ben's grandfather was; he had told her everything about his family._

 _"Hey," she said and touched his shoulder. "You're not responsible of anyone else's actions. We can't choose our family."_

 _Her words made him angry, he couldn't help it. He had always felt somehow connected to his grandfather and he wasn't going to listen to anyone saying bad things about him._

 _"I'm not ashamed of him!" he snapped more harshly than he intended. The startled look in her eyes made him to immediately regret his outburst. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"_

 _"No, no, I'm sorry," Amara cut in and touched his cheek. "He was your grandfather."_

 _Ben sighed and calmed down when she put her arms around him._

 _"I can understand how important family is," she muttered and rubbed his back in a calming gesture._

 _"Yes, it is," he replied and pulled away. "You're my family too. I'm planning to marry you."_

 _Her eyes widened._

 _"Really? Are you planning to ask what I think?"_

 _He shrugged._

 _"Not really, I think I can make important decisions for both of us."_

 _Her eyes narrowed, he laughed when she pushed him on his back, jumped astride his body and pinned him to the ground._

 _"You want to reconsider your answer?" she asked._

 _"Never."_

 _"Alright, you asked for this."_

 _He laughed harder when she started to tickle him._

 _"Mercy, please, I surrender!"_

 _She grinned triumphantly and was just about to get off of him when he turned them around, trapping her under him._

 _"Hey!" she protested._

 _He smiled and touched her cheek. They were both quiet for a while and simply looked at each other._

 _"I wasn't joking," he finally murmured. "I want to marry you."_

 _She bit her bottom lip._

 _"Ben…"_

 _"You don't have to say anything now, but one day you'll say yes."_

 _He kissed her cheek and got up before she managed to say anything._

 _"I almost forgot, I have a gift for you," he said and picked up a box he had brought here earlier._

 _"You shouldn't have," she murmured and got into a sitting position._

 _"I wanted to. I hope you like it."_

 _She took the box from him and carefully opened it. Her first reaction was a gasp. He had given her a silver moon lily, one of the rarest flowers in the galaxy. She loved flowers and she had talked about this one after reading about it in the library. The flower made sort of a humming sound in the moonlight and its silver petals glowed. She stared at the flower in wonder; he had never seen her so excited. The look on her face certainly made up all the trouble of getting the flower._

 _"This is… How did you…"_

 _"I know some people who are specialized in finding rare objects," he replied._

 _Very carefully she placed the flower back in the box before pouncing on him._

 _"Thank you. Thank you so much, I…"_

 _"You're welcome," he hummed and leaned his cheek on the top on her head. She snuggled against his chest and settled there. He knew that they would have to return to the school soon, but he didn't want to think about that. He would have wanted to stay like this forever._

* * *

Kylo Ren was nothing but grateful for his mask when he stared at the giant hologram of the Supreme Leader Snoke. Han Solo. He had the droid.

"He means nothing to me," Kylo stated. "I will get the droid, no matter what it takes."

"Good," Snoke replied. "Let us hope you mean that."

"I do."

Snoke observed him for a moment before continuing.

"Tell me, are you enjoying your gift?"

Kylo was certainly happy that Hux had left the room already.

"Yes, master."

"Hmm. She seemed quite stubborn when she was brought to me, but I didn't want to ruin your fun by taming her. I assume you have bent her to your will already?"

"She is under my control, master," Kylo replied, choosing his words carefully. Of course he wouldn't lie to Snoke.

"Very good. Perhaps you have wondered why I gave her to you."

"I appreciate your gift, master."

"I know you do, but she is not just for your amusement. No, I have another purpose for her. A very important purpose."

Kylo forced himself to stay perfectly calm, although he had a bad feeling about this.

"Another purpose?"

Snoke smiled, but there was nothing friendly about his smile.

"Yes, but we shall talk about that after you have found the map and returned here. I am looking forward to see your accomplishment with the young lady; I expect the change to be remarkable."

Kylo didn't move when Snoke's hologram disappeared. His father… No, Han Solo. He didn't mean anything to Kylo. Neither did Amara. Snoke expected to see her will broken. Somehow Kylo needed to deliver that. How? Well, it was obvious; he needed to force her to obey. He could do that, he had to. What choice did he have?


End file.
